I Love Lucy

Well, it has officially been a year since I lost my Lucy dog. I wish I felt more at peace about the whole event, but honestly, I've spent a lot of time mourning her loss even in the most recent months. I have so many regrets and a lot of guilt to come to terms with still. I know they are unfounded, that there's nothing I could have done, but that doesn't seem to help. I can talk about her in snip-its and bits, but I relive every moment very vividly if I try to recount her story. It fills me with dread and panic. I know that some day I will be able to remember her fondly, and I look forward to that time. I still have a long way to go, as I can barely bear to look at her pictures without missing her terribly with the deepest of aches.

Last week NCSU had a pet memorial ceremony to honor all of the lives of the pets that clients and CVM people have lost. I wasn't planning on going, but at the last second I realized that it was unlikely to cause more harm than good, and so I went (and cried the entire time). It was a very nice and I think that maybe it did help just a little bit. They handed out bookmarks with little heart shaped papers with seeds embedded in them. Forget-me-nots. At the beginning of this week, I bought a pot and painted it so that I could plant them. I will post pictures when I have sprouts and flowers. Devastating to realize that the beautiful life of my beloved dog has been reduced to a small pot of flowers - that was hard. I look forward to seeing them grow though.