2.5 Years Looks Like...

107 credit hours later, this is the long list of classes I've completed so far in 2.5 years. That's an average of 21 credits per semester. For comparison, to be considered full time as an undergraduate at Virginia Tech, you had to take at least 12 credits per semester with most of your science students averaging 15 credits. The maximum you could take without override (uncommon) was 18 credits per semester. All you pre-vets out there, do try not to be too jealous of this list. I remember being in your shoes once and now I look back and wonder "what the heck was I thinking!!" I think that's the vet school exhaustion talking as I still haven't caught up on sleep apparently given that I can still go to bed at a decent time, fall asleep easily, sleep late, and take a nap during the day no consequence and I'm more than 2 weeks into break!

1. ANPH 501 Veterinary Histology and Embryology
2. ANPH 502 Animal Nutrition
3. ANPH 506 Veterinary Anatomy I
4. ANPH 512 Veterinary Physiology I
5. ANPH 514 Animal Welfare and Behavior
6. ANPH 516 Professionalism
7. LAMS 502 Veterinary Clinical Orientation
8. PTHB 502 Introduction to Research
9. SAMS 501 Radiology I
10. ANPH 503 Veterinary Anatomy II
11. ANPH 504 Veterinary Pharmacology I
12. ANPH 513 Veterinary Physiology II
13. PTHB 503 Veterinary Bacteriology/Mycology
14. PTHB 512 Veterinary Immunology
15. SAMS 502 Radiology II
16. SAMS 515 Veterinary Physical Diagnosis I
17. ANPH 505 Veterinary Pharmacology II
18. LAMS 501 Veterinary Physical Diagnosis II
19. PTHB 505 Veterinary Parasitology
20. PTHB 506 Veterinary Pathology I
21. PTHB 515 Veterinary Virology
22. PTHB 532 Clinical Pathology
23. LAMS 503 Introduction to Clinical Medicine
24. PTHB 507 Veterinary Pathology II
25. PTHB 510 Veterinary Public Health
26. PTHB 511 Veterinary Epidemiology
27. PTHB 516 Avian, Fish, and Exotic Animal Diseases
28. SAMS 514 Introduction to Surgical Skills
29. SAMS 520Veterinary Anesthesiology 
30. LAMS 516 Large Animal Surgery
31. LAMS 519 Theriogenology
32. SAMS 513 Diagnostic Imaging
33. SAMS 518 Small Animal Surgery
34. SAMS 522 Small Animal Medicine I
35. SAMS 526 Introduction to Clinical Practice
36. SAMS 527 Junior Surgery & Anesthesiology Laboratory
37. Elective - Marine Mammal Conservation  
38. Elective - Veterinary Disaster and Emergency Management
39. Elective - Wildlife Conservation 

Still to come:

1. LAMS 505 Equine Internal Medicine
2. LAMS 515 Food Animal Internal Medicine
3. SAMS 524 Small Animal Medicine II
4. ANPH 520 Veterinary Toxicology
5. LAMS 533 Ethics, Jurisprudence, and Career Development
6. SAMS 528 Small Animal Clinical Services
7. LAMS 529 Ambulatory Services
8. PTHB 530 Laboratory Diagnostics

And then 48 weeks of clinical rotations at NCSU that will consist of 24 two week rotations. AKA no-sleep-for-a-year, being-an-inept-idiot-every-day-x365, or slavery (that we're paying for haha).

Merry Christmas!!

Merry Christmas from Penny, Sampson and me! A nice holiday all around with the family with a morning filled with gift giving, an afternoon of relaxing, an evening of tasty roast beef (soooo good!) and a bedtime snack of chocolate cake!

Sampson and Penny enjoyed the gift giving benefits today too! Sampson really enjoys ripping paper and had a great time shredding open his presents that included rawhides, nylabones, and an elk antler to chew on. Sensing a theme? His paper interests carry over to things like toy instructions and newspapers too so I guess I'll need to be extra careful not to leave notes lying around in the spring! I can just see it now - "Sorry professor, my dog ate my study material!" Penny received the gift of food today - a Christmas salad, vitamin hay tablets, 2 bales of hay, and dried banana chips. She wouldn't have it any other way! She takes her "pig" title quite seriously! Both animals were kind and obliged their camera loving mother. Penny is the best - she even sits there and poses and puts up with me patiently!

It wouldn't be a complete post if I didn't mention how much I miss Lucy. I love having Sampson in my life, but it's still so bittersweet. I miss that silly dog so much. She was my special needs canine that fit so well with her special needs mommy. Sampson is so very lucky to have fallen into the spot he's living now but boy Lucy and I sure had to be so unlucky for him to get here. She was my Christmas present last year, he is my Christmas present this year. I still have a never ending supply of tears for that dog!

The One Year that Should Be

A year ago today, I brought Lucy home with me. She was scared out of her mind but immediately knew how to get the things she wanted - a comfy bed, a nice walk, a tasty meal. She instantly knew who her human was and she would have followed me to the ends of the earth. Lucy, Sampson is forever in your debt as he now shares the home you so loved. His shelter days are over and he doesn't have to wander the streets as a stray. He even proclaims his love for his new home by refusing to leave and dashing up the stairs to come back. It is so bitter sweet sharing this new love with him, a love that belonged to you not that long ago. I will truly miss you forever, but your memory will forever live on in my heart. 

 

Sampson

This is Sampson. He is a 1yo Australian Shepard mix and he is my new furry friend. He came from a shelter on Saturday, spent the night with a rescue volunteer and came to me on Sunday as a foster dog. Today we made it official so he now officially owns the house haha. He weighs about 40lbs and is a super sweet heart. He is very friendly and loving and whimpers when he's unsure about something. He doesn't like cars and isnt sure what going for a walk is all about but he loves to play and frequently grabs toys out of the basket.

Two Months

Well, it has officially been two months. Doesn't seem possible and doesn't really feel like it. Lots of tears today (not an infrequent event these days unfortunately). I did at least get to finish the day with a breath-taking night dive though. So many beautiful corals feeding and crustaceans running around!

I was rejected by yet another rescue group today. Lucy is turning out to be more irreplaceable than I could have imagined! This group's reason was that they felt that flying on a plane (in cabin) would be too much stress to fairly put on an animal. It's a fair concern, but the dog I was interested in is currently living in a rural shelter. Trust me, living in a shelter where infectious disease is common and stress levels in those animals is through the roof because of the negative environment is way worse than traveling on a plane for a few hours. Insert pathophysiology rant about cortisol and stress hormones here haha.

My study buddy would not have been impressed by all of the stress and studying that's currently accompanying final exams!

No More Term 5 Classes!

I'm sorry I've been a little on the quiet side this semester, I don't really have a whole lot to say these days. Everything seems so trivial and meaningless in comparison.

Today we finished our last day of classes for the semester today. It's about time! I am so very tired of these classes and I am not sad to see them go! So much surgery, and frankly, I'm just not much of a surgery person! Theriogenology is going to go out just as badly as it started - I don't think anyone has positive or happy things to say about the class and we certainly don't know what to expect for Friday's final exams. Diagnostic imaging ended up turning into a little bit of a war and although we haven't seen the exam yet, we "won" because what was supposed to be a cumulative crazy final is now just covering material from two visiting professors. We shall see!

All that is left for the term is studying, something I'm not very excited about. Still hunting for motivation so if you have some to spare, please send it my way! I'm leaving Grenada the day after exams finish to go home, and although I'm a little sad I won't get to do much diving after exams are done, I am definitely ready for a break. I am currently struggling to find a new canine companion (so far I've been declined, too late, or the a mistake happened and the dog didn't end up with the rescue organization). 0-3 is definitely a bit discouraging and the memories of my dear friend and her demise are still very fresh in my mind. A change of scenery will do my heart good I think.

I am currently finishing up a rescue diving course and I've currently logged over 60 dives since I started! Hoping to make it to 70 by the end of the term, we'll see! Still very afraid of the whole water on my face thing, but aside from that, I'm turning into a regular fish! I'm also living true to my cold blooded nature - I swear the ocean gets colder every time I get in. Taunting and teasing by my fellow diving friends has assured me that this is not the case! Saturday I came back so cold, I was shivering like I was in a snowstorm and my fingers were going numb! I always dive in a full 3mm wetsuit, but there are plenty of people who dive here in just a bathing suit. Sunday I caved and somehow managed to squeeze myself into Christie's 7mm wetsuit (she is tinier than the thinest stick around so this was really nothing short of a miracle!) and I must say, it was just the most amazing thing ever. It was like being enveloped in a cozy warm blanket or a nice big hug the whole time under water and I wasn't the least bit cold! That might be a first for me! I think it's time for me to invest in a wetsuit better suited for a dive site other than the Caribbean ;).

I suppose I should get back to studying, I have a ridiculous amount of material to memorize between now and the official end of this semester and finals begin in just a couple of days!

One Month

Well, it's officially been one month since Lucy passed today. Ironically enough, I'm sitting here studying for a large animal surgery exam, the same exam I took that morning. My already biased distaste for this class has grown into pure hatred so thankfully we only have 12 more classes left until our evil cumulative final exam. Then I can put "surgical procedures" of large animals behind me.

My house is still very lonely. It makes me sad to come home to no greeting at the door. I'm bad at waking up to my alarm if I don't have to get up for class in the morning. I miss getting a nose in my face looking for food the moment the alarm rang. No one tries to steal 2/3rds of the bed anymore. I haven't properly stretched out in my own bed since last December (it was always about accommodating Lucy to make sure she was comfy!).

My heart is still very heavy. The double edged sword of being a vet student is that all of my friends and classmates have pets, and they all love them as much as I loved Lucy. That means at least 20 times a day, someone posts a video or picture or status about what their silly pet is doing on facebook. It means that I get to continually feel like my nose is being rubbed in the fact that everyone else has their beautiful animals and I don't. Lucy and I didn't deserve this fate. She had an excellent home and a great life. She was young and reasonably healthy (except that she had started peeing on the bed occasionally...). We'd only had each other for 9 months. She got a walk every day and tons of attention. So why her? Why my dog? What if I had come home a little earlier? Why didn't I just take the extra stupid 30 seconds to put the food away?! All I had to do was cross the room! That's it! Such a simple act could have made things so drastically different for us. Rhetorical questions I will never have the answers to.

I am at least starting to not cry every day. Only three out of the seven days for last week. I guess that can be considered progress.

50 Dives!!

This weekend I had the pleasure of escaping from reality for a bit to carve pumpkins under water, do a night dive in the Molinere statue garden, and complete dives 49 and 50!

To celebrate Halloween and be super silly, Eco Dive arranged to get a couple of pumpkins from Grenville, and then we took them out to the marine park to carve for fun. Poor weather and busy schedules prevented us from getting them done before Halloween, but I think Saturday worked just fine too. After all, every day of the year looks the same here weather-wise, it's not like it feels different now that it's November. Grenada also doesn't celebrate Halloween, so there's no stark notification that the holiday has come and past. Anyhow, we (Christie) had the foresight to cut the top off the pumpkins before we left for the marine park. Not really sure how we would have gotten them to the bottom if we hadn't preemptively opened up the huge air bubble inside! Grenada pumpkins don't quite match American pumpkins - they are funny shapes, colors, and really really thick! One of the pumpkins must have been at least 5 inches thick!

We sank the pumpkins in about 20 ft of water and got to work. It ended up taking an hour to get them to look how we wanted. Eventually the fish figured out something was up and came over to investigate the pickings. A school of sergeant majors was particularly interested in snacking on floating pumpkin bits! They were pretty entertaining to watch! The award for most entertaining actually goes to a crab in a hole. I (of course) had my camera and was slowly looking around when I saw movement in a hole in the sand. Not wanting to scare him so that I could get a picture, I crept over and while I watched, he voluntarily crawled out quite far claws ready! I happened to have a wedge of pumpkin in my hand and curiosity got the better of me. I poked the piece of pumpkin at one of his outstretched claws and he immediately clamped on and sped off down his hole. Problem? The wedge was too big to fit! I gently grasped the pumpkin piece and gave it a tug, but he was intent on keeping it! He did eventually let go of the pumpkin chunk, but when offered another smaller piece, repeated the same exercise!! He'd come out, grab a piece, race back down, repeat! It was hysterically funny! Christie swears he's got two cups of pumpkin stashed somewhere in his lair and I believe it! He just kept taking pieces! Silly crab! We are currently trying to figure out what kind of crab he is.

When we finished our pumpkins, we left them with glowsticks inside at the base of the new circle of children to be discovered on our night dive. Awesome! A blowfish and a bat awaited the Halloween night dive group!

Next up was of course the Halloween night dive! One of my friends has a Halloween birthday and really wanted to dive the statues at night as a "scary" theme type of deal. The dive was originally set for last Monday night, but Grenada weather has been super crummy and miserable lately so it had to be postponed. It meant we got to have pumpkins in the garden though and the weather was lovely so it all worked out for the best. It turned out to be a gorgeous dive with tons of life and critters! Many octopi, eels, slugs, a squid, sleeping fish, awake fish, a zillion starfish (I love watching brittle star legs shrivel and shrink back into the cracks and crevices as you shine a torch on them), and much more! I was pretty pleased to see the squid and took a ton of pictures in hopes one or two would come out well (still searching for the perfect shot but these weren't half bad). It was a great dive and we enjoyed every minute!

This morning I went back to the marine park for two more dives to hit my 50 mark! I can't believe I've done that many already! It hasn't even been a full 8 months yet! Both dives were lovely although the water was a little chilly! Yes, wimp here, I think 83F in a full 3mm wetsuit is cold. Feel free to poke fun. We were greeted by two sea turtles (separately) on our second dive and the largest barracuda I have ever seen (he must have been 4ft or longer!). Lots of little critters seen and a bunch of lionfish culled!

My original goal was 50 dives by May, so now I have to make new goals. Where to go from here, hmmm!

From Paw Prints to Ashes

Today was almost a completely good day. I woke up feeling better than I have in over a week and generally felt pretty up beat about the day itself.

On Thursday morning, my friend and I went to investigate the process of pet cremation here. It's a pretty uncommon request (cultural thing) and rather expensive. Another student passed along the name of a funeral home that did pet cremations so we drove through town to go and talk to them. It turned out to be pretty cut and dry - yes they did them, they were free to do it whenever we brought the dog, it would be done the next day, etc. After that brief speech, the guy offered to show us the facilities. I was inclined to say no, but my friend was interested so I went along with it. Just what I really wanted, to see the oven you are going to burn my beloved pet to a crisp in.

I wasn't really expecting to have Lucy cremated that day, but they told us they'd be free the whole day and we should just bring her by whenever. Yes, that's right, we brought her frozen body to the crematorium. It's about a 20 minute drive each way so we went over to the clinic, picked up her body, and brought her back. As it turns out, seeing the cremation facilities was inevitable because they had us drop her off right in front creamator to load in. They even offered to let me press the button to start the process. I politely declined - not really interested in starting the process of turning my once beloved baby into ashes, but thanks anyway.

Yesterday morning we went back to pay and pick up her ashes. The whole process cost $800 EC (a bit pricy). It's hard to believe that all that is left of my gorgeous dog is a small storage container about 4"x2"x2" filled with ash. It's almost unreal.

I almost feel a little bit in denial these days about her passing. I find myself about to say something about her and then catch myself and remember she's not here anymore. I find myself staring at the corner of my bed and feeling a bit surprised she's not sleeping there. I miss her dearly. My beautiful Lucy. I'm just waiting to wake up from this horrible nightmare and yet each day passes and that doesn't happen. I just want to cuddle her close to me. Take her for a walk. Play with her at the beach. Throw a squeaky ball. Something. And yet, there's just nothing but emptiness here.

My friends and classmates here can imagine just how impossibly painful this all is. All I see now though are pictures and statuses about everyone's pets. They're such a big part of our lives. If you're having trouble understanding my heavy grief over a dog, I can just say that for a vet student, the loss of a pet is like the loss of a child. Suddenly you become acutely aware that all your friends are living happy lives with their pets and you're not. Today alone I was treated to 23 posts and pictures of everyone's pets. It's like that every day, I just never noticed it before. I miss her so terribly much and I know that it's really hard to understand for a lot of people.

These are a some beautiful gifts I have received from friends in honor of Lucy.

 

A Few Days Later

A few days have passed so far and I'm finally starting to really run out of tears. I'm sort of grateful for this because tears and gunk to really help to improve anything. I'm just left with a constant dull ache that is sometimes sharper than others as I cope with the loss.

I couldn't part with the last of my Lucy hairs on Friday for housekeeping but it really appears that most of the hair on the floor is mine. I am suspicious - there is no way I shed more than my dog, right? Where are all those hairs hiding! Answer - the bed, under the bed, under the desk, etc, but it's still kind of funny. I've done a little bit of rearranging and putting things away. It's not so much that her toys and things are a tangible reminder I can't handle (because the voids they leave behind in space are equally as loud and painful), I just...I don't know. They're hers and she's not here for them anymore.

The single hardest thing for me to face right now is coming home. Having to come back to an empty apartment is like having a 100lb rock dropped on me, and it starts long before I actually get home. The dread, agony, and despair of coming home to something so empty and soul-less is wrenching. It's followed pretty closely by several other things like waking up in the morning, the 5 o'clock dinner routine, going to bed, being pawed at while studying, doing laundry, potty breaks, heck even opening the bedroom door was a thing for Lucy (I suspect she really found my room boring and annoying to be stuck in because she'd go lay just outside it if I left it open while studying - a dog can only have but so many comfy spots in one room, right?). I guess it's all just really hard - but having to come home is the worst.

I spent the weekend diving. It was both a way to get out of the house, do something I normally enjoy, and get some self time while being in the proximity of friends. No one really knows what to do with someone so heart broken (myself included, fair enough). I logged 5 dives this weekend and did a lot of crying under water. It's an oddly comforting sensation. You're practically weightless as you drift along and you don't have to do anything other than breathe. Hard to explain. Either way, Friday afternoon dive - 90% tears, Saturday morning dive - 90% tears, Saturday late morning dive - 70% tears, Saturday afternoon dive - 40% tears, this morning - no tears. It's a bit of a relief, even though it doesn't mean any of the sadness and pain is lessened. Plenty of cake between yesterday evening and today as well. My friends are too sweet. :)

Rest in Peace Lucy

Today I lost my very dear friend Lucy. Greed got the better of her and laziness got the better of me. As you may know, it's our midterms week so things have been a little more than hectic with all the studying to be done.

This morning we had our third exam of the week, large animal surgery. That class scares me. A lot. My friend and her dog were over yesterday studying for this terrifying exam. We studied in the pool for a bit and then in my kitchen. We had some snacks, read our notes, let our dogs lounge around together.

This morning while I was at my exam, Lucy helped herself to the remainder of those snacks. Although I pushed them to the center of the table before I left, it wasn't enough to discourage her from being a thief. First it appears she stole a handful of vanilla oreos. At some point she found herself a granola bar to indulge with, and then I can only assume that finally she went for the 2/3rds empty bag of cheetos on the table. By the time I found her, she was passed out and long gone with her head stuck in the bag.

I am beyond devastated and distraught. I rushed her to the clinic in case a miracle could be performed, but I knew in my heart that she was gone. They did everything they could, but her snacking and thieving had gotten the best of her.

Why didn't I take the extra two seconds to put the food away this morning instead? Why did I even buy those silly chips full of calories? I could ask questions for hours, but it simply doesn't change anything. Perhaps I could have been more vigilant, or perhaps she could have been better trained, but it was just simply her day.

I can't understand the loss, she's just six years old. We deserved many more years together. More time at the beach, more time to cuddle, more time for walks. Who is going to get me out of bed in the morning? Force me to go outside each day for a walk in the sunshine? Listen to all my ranting and raving about life? Be my gym buddy? Snuggle in bed with me each night? Keep me safe? Be my canine companion? My heart is simply broken and I am at a loss for words. I know I gave her a fabulous home, but it doesn't stop me from wanting her to have that home for many more years to come.

Lucy I love you and will miss you dearly. My heart won't be the same without you and my home will be very lonely. I hope you at least enjoyed those tasty snacks and I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you in your time of great need. You were a great dog every day we were together.

Diving the Bianca C

Miterms time is here. Ugh! So much studying to be done. This week ended up being surprisingly kind and light though. A professor unexpectedly had to take a leave of absence this week so his four lectures (that were supposed to be on the midterm but aren't not) were replaced by 4 lectures from other classes that aren't on midterms. Yay! Most of the replacement classes were in small animal surgery so it wasn't too painful.

We had our first midterm today in theriogenology - my favorite. It was a mess, a real disaster really. This man is ridiculous, I can't believe he is really allowed to teach here! His thoughts are barely coherent, he is rambling at best! Grr. When asked for guidelines for the midterm, he told us (and then backed it up with the barest study guide outline ever) one set of things, and then gave something completely different today. We asked if it was cumulative, he said no, his exam said yes. We asked for the question breakdown, he told us mostly VPs, he gave us mostly his questions. It was a great time and there was a log of grumping amongst my classmates for sure. Honestly at this point I just don't care. It's not like I wish I had studied differently, I did exactly what he told us to do and I knew that material very well (and got those questions correct!). Can't fault myself for not being a mind reader! My grade once again came out higher than I expected, so I really can't complain that much.

Next up is small animal medicine on Monday. I'm most looking forward to this exam because medicine is my forte. I "speak" the medicine language haha. After that is small animal surgery on Tuesday, followed by large animal surgery on Thursday and Diagnostic Imaging on Friday. The last two are going to be terrifying! I am very scared for both - I definitely need to do well on these two exams and they aren't really subjects I'm all that good with (DI might be better if it wasn't mostly statement based true/false questions, I could handle looking at 100 radiograph questions!). Should be an interesting and stressful week for sure.

After my exam this morning, I decided I needed a dive to clear my mind for the weekend. I ended up with a little more than I bargained for! We ended up going out to the Bianca C, the deepest ship wreck in Grenada! The boat lies in 165 ft of water, but the top of the boat (where divers explore) is in 100-130 ft of water. That's just at the edge of recreational dive limits. It's a several minute descent down in dark blue water to this ship. I don't know if it's really the case, but any time I'm really deep, I really hear myself breathing in and out. The bubbles breathed out just sound different - louder, more tinkly, bubbly. It's hard to describe. Sucking air in sounds louder too.  It might just be that I know I need to pay extra special attention to my air consumption since the increased density of the air at that depth means it goes a lot faster.

Either way, it was a beautiful dive. The wreck is gorgeous and I really enjoyed spending time peeking at all of the bits and pieces. Plenty of lurking fish and I'm sure if I'd looked a little closer, I would have seen lots of invertebrates. The visibility wasn't good enough for me to kind of crawl along and look closely, and the ship is really too long for that with the very limited amount of bottom time you have anyway. Multiple visits will need to be made to take away the most from this beautiful treasure.

One thing that really struck me on the boat was just how colorless a lot of it really was. You lose read and orange light waves at those depths, and yellow is certainly not far behind (I'm pretty sure I remember seeing some yellow sponges though). The wreck was dark and shadowy with an ominous feeling to it, despite the fact that only two people died in association with it's sinking (and one was a week after the fact). A lot of the infrastructure has collapsed over time and the wreck lays partially on its left side. It is a massive structure underwater and took us nearly 20 minutes to swim it end to end.

After we left the wreck, we slowly made our ascent in a sloping fashion off the ship towards a reef. We swam for several minutes until we hit the reef and then just gently climbed upwards with the reef from there. My computer mandated a 2 minute decompression stop at 58 feet which was easily achieved while we were coasting over the reef and then a 3 minute decompression stop at 10 feet (which gets made between 20 and 10 ft) before a 3 minute 10 foot safety stop. It was cranky! Over all it was not very fond of me going so deep - it definitely had my best interests in safety in mind as it calculated the residual nitrogen buildup in my blood stream! Amazingly enough, my dive instructor's computer was the most liberal of all and didn't care if we did more than a 3 minute safety stop (she did two dives this morning which is what makes it surprising!). Another guy's computer mandated even more deco time at 10 feet! It's really neat to see these things in action. They can be integrated into you hose/tank system and attached to your gauges or on your wrist like a watch. I wear mine on my wrist and I really appreciate knowing what my dive profile is each time and as we go (max depth, time, air mixture vs nitrox, no decompression allowances, safety stop time, decompression stop time, etc). Just adds extra safety to recreational diving for me!

A couple of notes:
-I didn't flood my mask today :(
-My computer got on my nerves a lot for being grouchy about depth and particularly when we had to hang at 20-10ft for 10 minutes!! I was annoyed with it by the end haha.
-These pictures are terrible - the visibility wasn't great and there was a lot of large brown particulates floating in the water. It was also pretty dark. And cold. Did I mention how quickly and easily I get cold in this beautiful tropical water?? It's ridiculous!!
-None of these pictures was taken from inside the ship. I have no desire to do that. Ever. The window one was taken looking through an open section of the hull. I don't have a death wish, particularly not a claustrophobic-trapped-in-a-box-of-sharp-metal death wish!

Green Squash (Zucchini)

Does tomorrow really have to be Monday?? I have had a string of really great weekends this term (despite how annoying and less than fun many of the weeks have been). Lots of diving coupled with some solid studying and this weekend was no exception!

Yesterday afternoon I visited Flamingo Bay for a nice dive. I've marked down as having been there before but it didn't look familiar to me. What a beautiful reef! The corals there are exquisite and it is full of life. So many Christmas tree worms and shrimp! The thermoclines in the area were pretty impressive - we enter a couple of pretty chilly locations! Okay, I say chilly but my computer was reading 85 degrees, so maybe I'm just that much of a wimp. I'm not convinced though, because it was ready 86 degrees most of the time and it certainly didn't feel like it just got one degree colder. It said the same stuff today; I am skeptical! We snorkeled at the sculpture park for a little while afterwards and I did a little bit of free diving to get some pictures of the statues.

This morning I went back up to the Marine Protected Area to dive Flamingo Bay and then the sculpture park/Buccaneer wreck/grand mal wall. This is such a beautiful part of Grenada, I am so glad we have protections in place to help keep it that way. During my dives I found a kite, some fishing line and a hook, a large rusty nail, a KFC cup, and a beaded necklace. Not exactly the kind of things you want to see on such beautiful reefs! Makes me think of turtles accidentally ingesting stuff and dying (but they certainly aren't the only ones that accidentally eat rubbish lying around under water). Luckily my BCD has nice big pockets so I collected the stuff for later land disposal. Yay for doing good deeds :) Kind of hard to turn it down though when you're diving with a company with the word "eco" in the name!

Both dives were gorgeous overall and my air consumption was better than the dive master with us : D. I enjoyed rubbing it in his face a little! That's what he gets for forgetting my name! I dropped 2lbs off my weight belt this weekend. I had kind of forgotten that I was going to need to re-evaluate the amount of weight I carry after a couple of weeks of school (combination of getting used to diving again and losing weight because I never eat here - I am so tired of eating the same things!!). Last week when I did a dive I paid attention to how much air I needed to add to my BCD on the bottom to achieve neutral buoyancy (it was a lot) and then how much I dumped throughout the dive (very little). Both a sure signs you are over weighted! Regardless, I feel much better diving with 2lbs fewer. It's amazing what a difference it can make! I don't feel as much drag and I definitely think it helped contribute to my excellent air consumption. It's a pretty great dive when you're down for 50 minutes and only breathe half a tank! Part of that's being female (smaller lungs), but a lot of it has to do with controlling breathing well and not over exerting yourself (in other words being lazy).

I've been diving so much lately that I'm actually starting to develop blisters and ulcers on my ankles from my fins! The first one hurt a lot when it started, but now I barely notice it. Is that a bad sign? I have this large ulcer on my ankle that I don't notice when it rubs?? Poor nerves haha. Guess we'll see if it heals some over midterms! It's amazing to me just how fragile skin becomes when it is soaking wet and supersaturated. This is largely what contributes to all the scrapes and cuts I come back with after being on the dive boat! That thing is dangerous! No not really, these are always really minor little wounds.

I think my next task to "conquer" will be my mask issues. I really love the ocean, and I long for the ability to just jump into water without worry. I haven't really jumped into any body of water since I was little, it's just too risky. Just thinking about flooding my mask makes me feel panicky. My heart rate elevates, my breathing becomes irregular, and this is all just me thinking about the task! I kind of doubt I'll ever like getting my face wet, but I'd at least like to be a little less afraid of it. After I first got certified, I spent my whole dives thinking about 2 things: breathing evenly and slowly, and making sure my face was protected at all times. I focus mainly on breathing these days, but you'd better believe that I'm conscientious about where my mask is when I roll into the water and when there are people around me. Can't have anyone accidentally kicking it off my face! It really scares me to wonder how I'd react to that. I had a small leak in the seal against my face yesterday and as I tinkered with the placement I had to remind myself over and over to breathe and that it was just water!! Not cool! The sneaky thing is, I've set a small list of required "steps" that must be in place in order for me to practice. Only at the end of a dive, only if Christie is present, only if the dive conditions are good enough. Not an extensive list, but it does have to be 100% and so far since I've been thinking about practicing this skill (4 dives), those three things haven't been met. Oh darn!

In addition to all of this diving, I did plenty of studying this weekend. I made some good progress on diagnostic imaging and large animal surgery, two of my "harder" courses. My first exam is this Friday - theriogenology. No one really knows what the heck is going to be on that exam. We know to studying the first visiting professor's notes and the current visiting professors notes, but what the heck did he cover in his 4 lectures?? Not a clue (and yes I was there in class for all of them). I think I'd have a better chance of understanding his material if it was written backwards in German.

I also made some delicious and long overdue zucchini bread this weekend too. Grenada being Grenada (and not very reliable in the grocery department), I decided to plan for three different types of bread and hoped that I'd be able to get all the ingredients for one. In order of my interest, I chose zucchini bread, banana bread, and pumpkin bread. Lucky for me, they actually had all the ingredients, but I was pretty set on zucchini bread so I stuck with my original plan. I really had no idea whether I could get zucchini in Grenada (I'm pretty excited they sell it here!). I recognized the zucchini before reading the label - they call it green squash (zucchini) here. As I was buying the ingredients, I decided hey why not make a double batch and share lots! As it turns out, I am not the only zucchini bread lover and my neighbors and friends enjoyed the benefits of my baking. I was a little bit surprised by how many people had heard of zucchini bread before and like it. I really had no idea it was so popular! In my sharing though, I did manage to find one person who had never heard of it before (turns out she likes it a lot haha). The only weird thing that happened with a couple of the loaves was that the very bottom was a little bit gelatinous and tasted like buttered eggs. I think some of the egg settled out while I was filling all the pans causing it to cook slightly funny! Lesson learned!

Just Keep Swimming

Tomorrow I perform my first surgery for our junior surgery and anesthesia laboratory. So far I've managed anesthesia and assisted with the castration, but now it's my turn to be in charge of the castration. I don't really know how I feel about this. I'm not overly nervous per say, but I'm not super excited like a lot of my classmates are. Probably a good thing - keep the circulating catecholamines low and my brain will perform better.

I've been working on my suturing skills the last couple of days. I feel pretty confident that I can perform them well, but will I be able to perform them flawlessly? My patient's life depends on it. Hopefully I don't make any slip knots. I've been working on those for awhile now. At least I'm aware that I have a tendency to make them. Incising through layers of tissue is more complicated than it may sound. It's not a simple as making a single cut. It's all about applying the right amount of pressure, slipping delicately through one layer at a time, trying to be as atraumatic as possible. You want to be as efficient as possible knowing that time under anesthesia is increased risk for the patient as well. So many things to think about with a live patient!

I completed my 30th dive this morning! That's 30 dives in just over 6 months (March 16-September 25). I'm pretty excited! I've completed certifications in Open Water for recreational diving, Advanced Open Water, and Underwater Photography, and am in the process of completing a Nitrox course. What's next after this? I'm not sure! I've started to realize that this is something that is really important to me and that I really want to find a way to combine my professional veterinary goals with my diving goals. Perhaps some day I will teach people to dive? Who knows where diving will take me, but I plan to keep it in my life as much as possible. I never expected to like it this much!

Monday Musings

The stress of this semester is slowly but surely beginning to dig away at my resolve. I've taken on a lot of responsibility this term and the coursework is more challenging in new ways. I'm really tired but not in a sleepy kind of way. I feel behind, pressed for time, guilty because my dog is being neglected (even though she's really living a good life!), and I just want my sanity back.

Most of my classmates are loving junior surgery lab but I see it as something that is eating up so much of my days. There is so much involved outside of class time between rounds, patient care, and paperwork. This is so silly because I know that this is what the rest of my life is going to be, but somehow it seems more strenuous because grades are involved. Not only for the class but also for all of my other classes that I'm responsible for. I'm weird and I actually enjoy filling out the paperwork (I think it has to do with my neat and orderly tendencies) I just hate feeling like it's taking away from something else.

I'm trying so hard to focus on the long term goals. Clinics, graduation, internship, residency. That's what I'm here for, I know that's what I want. It's a really long road ahead and I'm not sure how all the puzzle pieces are going to fall into place. There's so much I want from life and yet the time and resources seem so finite. I don't know. And I think that's what's so hard for me. I'm a planner. I make lists and write out the fine print and am super detail oriented. I like details and order. I like routine and things that are comfortable, and I have a lot of unknowns and variables to juggle at this point.

I wish I could say that I believed myself when I say stuff like tomorrow I'll wake up and feel better about everything, but I think this is going to be an internal struggle that goes on for awhile, I just need to accept it and let it be. I know it will all work out in the end because I live my life in search of happiness.

Per Rectum

It's basically a right of passage. The activity that turns you from vet student to Vet Student. The activity that all pre-clinical students must endure and then make up findings during clinics. What on earth am I talking about? Rectal palpations of the cow, of course. Grossed out yet? Horrified for the poor cow (and student)? Trying to figure out exactly how that works?

Here's the deal - before you go calling the humane society and your local PETA activists, this is what you must know. Rectal palpation of the cow is a completely normal, routine medical procedure that 99% of cows go through multiple times during their life span. It allows us to determine pregnancy and infertility, as well as disease of the reproductive tract. If you're wondering why we go in the rectum instead of the "other," ahem, hole, well you just stop and think about which sounds more uncomfortable. Also, if you stick your hand in the pregnant tract, you're going to find a closed cervix, end of story. That doesn't tell you much. You only know that the tract has closed itself off for some reason but not if there is disease, if the cow is a couple months pregnant, or maybe she's ready to pop!

So yes, with a giant plastic sleeve covering from finger tips to shoulder, we put copious amounts of medical lubricant on our hands and gently work our way in. The cow shifts around in annoyance initially, then settles in to just squeezing the heck out of your arm while your inside. You have to make sure all the feces are out of the way our else you'll just be feeling that instead of the smooth lining of rectal and colonic mucosa. As you feel that mucosa, you're feeling for lumps in the reproductive tract (such as the cervix or the ovaries) which lie directly below the terminal GI tract. It's not overly difficult, but as a new student, you're sliding your hand around in there thinking "what the heck, I feel nothing and this is gross." One of my classmates has done thousands of palpations and was super happy and excited for this lab. He's been waiting years for this! He was showing off and diagnosing pregnant cows like crazy. I was very happy for him, but I did not share his enthusiasm. We have quite a few pictures from the group of all our disgusted faces. It's gross. There is nothing pretty about dealing with the back side of farm animals, period. There's a lot of fecal matter and urine flying everywhere, and I was so grateful to have my protective coveralls on. I managed to stay pretty darn clean, but most of my classmates weren't so fortunate. I think the best part of my day was coming home for that cleansing shower!!

Another Week Down

Well, we are officially 1/3rd of the way through classes now. We just finished week 5 of 17, with two of those 17 weeks being exam only weeks. I must say, I'm really not overly fond of 3rd year so far. I constantly feel tired and behind and extra stupid. Vet school in generally has a habit of making you feel dumb all the time, but I think as long as you can accept that, it's healthy. Sounds crazy? Here's the thing - it is impossible to know everything about every little detail. That's why veterinarians don't really practice medicine on all species nowadays. Unfortunately, in school we are indeed expected to know everything about everything which makes things a little bit frustrating.

I feel like really only have a good understanding and handle on two of my five classes. Small animal medicine (my favorite) and small animal surgery come fairly easy to me. Large animal surgery isn't difficult in the sense that the material is tough, but I have no experience with horses and large animals and so it makes it much more difficult truly understand what's going on and keep the 1.8 million things that can go wrong in the horse straight! I doubt I will ever have a good handle on theriogenology. That class is a total mess and disaster. It is disgusting that the university is allowing this sort of situation to happen and continue. This man has no business teaching and instead needs to be receiving the appropriate medical help - both of which aren't happening. Thankfully we have a visiting professor starting this week so I can at least go through this week perhaps understanding what's going on. I am so tired, angry, and anxious about not understanding anything in this class. Not only is it a 4 credit class, but this is information I need to know for clinics and my national licensing exam! GAHHH! Lastly we have diagnostic imagining. In all fairness and honesty, I haven't done much true sit-down-and-figure-it-all-out studying for this class yet, so perhaps when I do that I will feel more confident, but for now it's all just shadows and imaginary things! I actually feel like I have a decent base for radiology thanks to my time in undergrad spent hanging out with boarded radiologists, it's really more just putting the technical words to the things I see.

Our other two classes that I don't count because they don't require in-class time are clinical practice and junior surgery lab. We only have 4 rotations for the former so that's not so bad (our second is coming up in a week) and then junior surgery is once every week and a half or so. I'm up next for being surgeon for our 3rd and final castration. Yikes, poor dog! The only thing I really don't like about that class is how time consuming it is. There's a lot of out-of-class time involved and when I'm already short on time to give, it just adds to the neglect of everything else, most notably Lucy. I'm sure she could make a mile long list of her complaints and grievances this term! Actually probably not - she's a happy-go-lucky dog, but I'm sure she would appreciate a little bit more attention!

So that's where I'm at academically these days. Long weeks, lots of studying, quite a bit of confusion, and sometimes not nearly enough sleep (although I certainly do try!).

Shakem At Night

Blah, I know I have been terrible at posting, life got really hectic after the first week of school. They were sneaky and eased us into it and then BAM we had a thousand things to do. I'm working on a recap of the last couple of weeks because a lot has happened, but until then I just wanted to rave about the quick night dive I did tonight.

I'm pretty sure my roommate thinks I'm crazy for even thinking about a dive the night before an exam, but it was really therapeutic. Just what I needed. My life is so hectic and stressful these days and there is just nothing like having a little bit of time to yourself where your two main focuses are steady, even, rhythmic breathing and maintaining effortless buoyancy under water. It is so soothing, so calming to be in tune with such basic physiologic needs and it just tends to make everything else melt away. Sure, seeing critters is a major added bonus, but honestly you could drop me in the water and tell me to hang out at 30ft for as long as I could and I'd be content. It truly is why so many relaxation techniques are centered around breathing!

This was a really quick dive because the wreck we visited was at 100ft. You just can't go that deep for very long without adding complications like running out of air and decompression time. I'm not really interested in either. We did have one person come up nearly empty from the dive, but I suppose that's what you get when you ignore your gauges and get excited where the density is 3x what it is at the surface (meaning you go through air much faster). I checked my gauges at least 4 times that I can think of and that was just in the 20ish minutes that I was on the bottom and I don't go through air very fast. A combination of relaxation, mild movements, good breathing techniques, and physiologically and anatomically being female allow me to go through a tank much more slowly. We ended up staying down just shy of 30 minutes and with studying to do tonight, it was better that this wasn't a 70+ minute dive (although I'd much rather stay super shallow and be underwater longer!). The wreck was pretty at night, the colors and critters were more beautiful as always, and I enjoyed slowly focusing on one thing at a time. My buddy stayed right with me and we did great!

Now to face my large animal surgery exam tomorrow, our 2nd castration for junior surgery lab on Tuesday, and a make up small animal surgery exam on Wednesday. Busy busy!