Wow, this post is a long time over due. I was reading through some of my very early Grenada entries earlier, my how things have changed in 3 years! It's crazy to think that 3 years ago now, I was planning and freaking out about the biggest decision of my life! Moving to a foreign country as a young adult is no easy task!
There is so much laughter and joy in many of my posts back then. It makes me a little bit sad to know that I don't necessarily feel that way these days. Don't get me wrong, I am a generally happy person, but there is a note of sadness in my heart that persists these days.
At any rate, I didn't come on here to rant, I cam to give you a clinics update!
On May 9, my class officially took our last final exam and completed our 3rd year of veterinary school!! It was tough to stay motivated through those exams, but with some diving mixed in to the studying, I managed to hold it all together. Saying "goodbye" is not a strength of mine, and I then proceeded to do lots of crying before (and after) leaving Grenada, but we had a lovely send-off slide show and dinner together as a class the evening exams ended. It's still strange to not be seeing all of these people I've spent 3 whole years with every day now.
I did lots of diving, hanging out with friends, hashing with Sampson, and even managed to get all of my packing complete in my last 4 days on the island. I finally finished my dive master internship with Eco Dive during this time, and logged a solid 150 dives total! To say I'm diving obsessed is an understatement. I miss having these people in my life and the ocean being in my backyard horribly! My friends and mentors at Eco Dive will probably never be able to fully understand just what kind of an impact they have made on my life, but I love them all very much and I am so very proud of all of their achievements. I really encourage you to check them out should you find yourself wanting to dive in Grenada! (http://www.ecodiveandtrek.com/)
Leaving Grenada was a tearful disaster. Thankfully there were no hangups at the airport, because my already shattered emotional state probably would not have handled any further complications! I managed to get all of my stuff packed up into my few suitcases, though it took me most of the night to do so (after all, this blog is riddled with posts documenting my love for packing so this should come as no surprise!). Three years tucked away in just 150lbs of suitcases (perhaps a tad bit more than that) with the less significant items now taking up residence in new homes. Saying goodbye to my friends at Eco Dive, Jackie, and Christie was ridiculously emotional for me (while they just smiled and probably wondered why the heck I have to be so weird!).
Being back in the US is a major culture shock. The cars, the people, the highways, the scenery...I could go on and on! American culture is so busy and all about the hustle and bustle of each individual. There's no such thing as simple here. Every action and thought requires a mass multitude of energy to get from one thing to the next. People aren't worrying about where their next meal comes from, or whether or not their house will hold up to the harsh elements, they're worrying about having the latest technological gadget and how they can advance themselves even further up life's ladder. It's vastly different, for sure!
My month at home went by pretty quickly. Lots of prep to do for the move and lots of sleep to catch up on! Sleep seemed like such a waste of time at the end of the semester, as my hours to soak in every last island moment were greatly numbered. Packing was...well I'm sure you're smart enough by know to know how it went! You can probably even imagine all of the complaints I had, all of the hiding under the covers I did, and all of the various procrastination methods I used! It is much, much simpler to pack up a few suitcases then it is to stuff things into boxes and bags and into cars! I miss my days of fewer belongings, and I don't really think I actually have all that much here in Raleigh.
I now live in a nice little apartment complex on the edge of Raleigh. It is the perfect size for Sampson and I, and we've managed to personalize it and make our part of the space quite homey. Sampson loves living with another dog. He unfortunately gets even less of my time and presence these days, so having a buddy to wrestle with keeps us both sane! My apartment is located just over 10 minutes from school and about 2 minutes from every store you could ever dream of living next to! It makes errands so easy! I think I am most grateful for the convenient position of PetSmart, as Penny eats hay like it might be her last meal every time!
Sampson and I have enjoyed some nice walks and hikes at the local parks here in Raleigh. We even managed to get an invitation to river tubing back several weeks ago. Sampson may not have enjoyed the water part, but I know he liked getting to spend an entire day outside with me! The weather here in Raleigh is even pretty decent. The sun is not nearly as hot, which is great in some ways and terrible in others. I essentially spend my days wrapped in sweatshirts, fleece and pants, because the indoor air condition temperatures are freezing! I am going to turn into a popsicle this winter, I am just 100% certain of it! We have skylights in our hospital hallways, and because they are frosted, they always make me think of snow (which prompts major groaning) whenever I look up. They are best used to determine day vs. night, because unless it's pouring rain against the glass, you can't actually glean any information about the weather from them!
I have also managed to find a crazy group of people here that have organized themselves into a local scuba club. A few of them have been working quite hard to convert me from a Caribbean baby to a freshwater American fish. I'm not entirely certain of their success yet. They are slowly and persistently chipping away at me though! It's very strange diving in a lake without salt. I've always been incredibly wary of bodies of freshwater with regards to bacteria and parasites, so submerging myself in what I tend to imagine is a vat of pathogens is still a little gross. It's also been a vastly different experience diving with new people I've never been underwater with before in an environment I'm completely unfamiliar with. I'm also always wearing different equipment since I'm not fortunate enough to own my own set yet, which means that all of the simple things I took for granted in Grenada (like being streamlined and comfortable) are requiring a lot more attention. Good thing lakes aren't all that great for critter hunting, otherwise I'd probably end up face planted in the mud and silt with fins floating high! Ew!! Non-divers are probably wondering how different dive equipment can possibly be, and while most of the pieces have some interesting variations to them, over all it's not too terribly difficult to figure out how to be reasonably comfortable enough underwater. The only real "new" piece of the equation being added here is the type of fins I use. I am very used to full footed fins (the kind you use to go snorkeling in nice, warm, tropical water) rather than using neoprene boots with open fins that buckle around your feet. It's so bulky and clunky feeling this way!! My feet are now super floaty, and I have to use very different parts of my legs to generate forward motion (though size might actually be more of a contributor here). I keep telling myself to like this new style of fins, because let's face it - I doubt I am going to find myself diving in warm, tropical water much in the near future! It's about finding a balance, and I'm sure that with time that will come. Until then, I will continue to laugh at how much it feels like being a beginner again since my equilibrium and center are completely non-existent! It's humbling to remember just what it can feel like to be plopped into a completely new environment with a completely new set of information and skills! Old dog, new tricks sort of deal!
And lastly, I think everyone has been waiting with baited breath to learn about clinics! After all, while the ultimate goal of veterinary school is to earn the DVM degree, the goal of every DVM student is to make it out of the classroom and into the "real" world! I admittedly don't love clinics as much as I had hoped I might. I think all of the changes in my life, stress surrounding the changes, and vast number of emotions encompassing this time in my life are probably greatly contributing to my thoughts and feelings on clinics, but I had really hoped that I would love my days a little bit more than I generally do. The caveat here is that I am currently really enjoying cardiology. Not so much because it's cardiology, but more because the learning opportunities and business factors are very well integrated into a full and challenging day that doesn't go above and beyond to steal one's soul. I enjoyed my 1st rotation (exotic animal medicine) a lot, but I was very nervous and stressed out the whole rotation about not being good enough. Healthy amounts of fear do make motivated and intelligent students though! Anesthesia did a good job sucking away my soul for a couple of weeks, and although I generally enjoy anesthesia, I struggled to find an inner peaceful balance, particularly during the 2nd week. Orthopedic surgery was a much slower pace for our particular block. I seem to do better in a higher workload environment, and so this was a little bit challenging for me at times. Overall, I learned a lot about orthopedic medicine, and I hope that I have extracted the most important bits for someone that doesn't want to be a surgeon (i.e. how to do best for my patients so that I can appropriately deliver them to the clinician that can fix their orthopedic problems - recognition and understanding are such a big part of excellent patient care!).
Right now, the best thing I can do is to find a balance between getting the most from clinics and giving the best to myself. Losing Lucy broke my heart, and in doing so, a piece of my passion went missing. Loving Sampson is a whole new piece of my heart, but doesn't fill the empty void. I never wanted or expected it to. I am hopeful that one of these days the wounds won't feel as fresh, but for now, I am simply doing the best I can with the experiences I have been given.
