Saturday, January 17, 2015

Do YOU Want to be a Veterinarian?

I know a lot of desperate students see places like SGU and Ross as their only shot at becoming a veterinarian, but PLEASE take a lot of time to really consider what you will be signing up for by LEAVING the US. It upsets and angers me when I see people on facebook from these schools bashing how much they hate grenada and how horrible the island is and blah blah blah. It's a packaged deal folks, and if you aren't willing to accept living in someone else's country and culture, then you need to seriously reconsider your goals. This will not be a good fit for you, and you will be miserable the whole time you are there. You will add to the locals' view of students (that we are rich, entitled brats - a sad reality is that a lot of americans that go to grenada act this way). You will not be a good role model for the future. you may not do very well in school. You will be paying a heck of a lot more money to be miserable than you would be if you went to your in-state school (to be honest though, you might be miserable there too because vet school is sneaky like that).

So PLEASE think long and hard about this major life decision you will be making. Are you a patient, laid back, flexible personality? Can you laugh at life's little idiosyncrasies? How do you really feel about leaving everything you've ever known behind? Do you really understand that you will be a guest in someone else's country? Can you live with just the basics? 

You need to want to go to an island school because you want the whole package, and not simply because you're desperate. If desperation is your only motivator, you are in for what will be the very hardest and most miserable years of your life, because vet school itself is quite mentally and emotionally challenging, and then you are adding on moving away from your support system, moving into a new culture and way of life, and out of a very developed first world country.

*This rant prompted by a facebook post from someone saying that going to SGU was the worst decision they have ever made (and not the vet school part), and then bashing the country when people prompted why.
 

Saturday, January 10, 2015

Banfield is "Wishing Lucy-Passed a Happy, Healthy Birthday!"

Imagine my surprise and disgust when an email entitled "Wishing Lucy-Passed a Happy, Healthy Birthday!" showed up in my inbox today. Why thank you Banfield, a reminder that my beloved dog is still indeed dead 1 year and 3 months after she passed away is just what I was hoping for today on the 10th of the month. Clearly your system is aware that Lucy is not a living pet, as she has been named Lucy-Passed in your records. Additionally, Lucy's birthday is in June, and that would also be part of your records. This is an unbelievable, hurtful, and tasteless mistake made. 


Update 1/11/15:
Banfield's reply on Facebook...
Nice of them to address the wishy-washy apology to my dead dog. I just want a nice, sincere apology, and maybe an explanation as to how this happened. Regardless of the her "status" in their computer systems, it wasn't even her birthday. And her birthday should have been properly entered into their computer system. If you are going to wish my beautiful girl a happy birthday, at least have the sense to do it on her actual birthday! We shall see how and if they respond to the email I sent as well.
 

Friday, October 10, 2014

I Love Lucy

Well, it has officially been a year since I lost my Lucy dog. I wish I felt more at peace about the whole event, but honestly, I've spent a lot of time mourning her loss even in the most recent months. I have so many regrets and a lot of guilt to come to terms with still. I know they are unfounded, that there's nothing I could have done, but that doesn't seem to help. I can talk about her in snip-its and bits, but I relive every moment very vividly if I try to recount her story. It fills me with dread and panic. I know that some day I will be able to remember her fondly, and I look forward to that time. I still have a long way to go, as I can barely bear to look at her pictures without missing her terribly with the deepest of aches.

Last week NCSU had a pet memorial ceremony to honor all of the lives of the pets that clients and CVM people have lost. I wasn't planning on going, but at the last second I realized that it was unlikely to cause more harm than good, and so I went (and cried the entire time). It was a very nice and I think that maybe it did help just a little bit. They handed out bookmarks with little heart shaped papers with seeds embedded in them. Forget-me-nots. At the beginning of this week, I bought a pot and painted it so that I could plant them. I will post pictures when I have sprouts and flowers. Devastating to realize that the beautiful life of my beloved dog has been reduced to a small pot of flowers - that was hard. I look forward to seeing them grow though.






Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Welcome to Clinics

Wow, this post is a long time over due. I was reading through some of my very early Grenada entries earlier, my how things have changed in 3 years! It's crazy to think that 3 years ago now, I was planning and freaking out about the biggest decision of my life! Moving to a foreign country as a young adult is no easy task!

There is so much laughter and joy in many of my posts back then. It makes me a little bit sad to know that I don't necessarily feel that way these days. Don't get me wrong, I am a generally happy person, but there is a note of sadness in my heart that persists these days.

At any rate, I didn't come on here to rant, I cam to give you a clinics update!

On May 9, my class officially took our last final exam and completed our 3rd year of veterinary school!! It was tough to stay motivated through those exams, but with some diving mixed in to the studying, I managed to hold it all together. Saying "goodbye" is not a strength of mine, and I then proceeded to do lots of crying before (and after) leaving Grenada, but we had a lovely send-off slide show and dinner together as a class the evening exams ended. It's still strange to not be seeing all of these people I've spent 3 whole years with every day now.

I did lots of diving, hanging out with friends, hashing with Sampson, and even managed to get all of my packing complete in my last 4 days on the island. I finally finished my dive master internship with Eco Dive during this time, and logged a solid 150 dives total! To say I'm diving obsessed is an understatement. I miss having these people in my life and the ocean being in my backyard horribly! My friends and mentors at Eco Dive will probably never be able to fully understand just what kind of an impact they have made on my life, but I love them all very much and I am so very proud of all of their achievements. I really encourage you to check them out should you find yourself wanting to dive in Grenada! (http://www.ecodiveandtrek.com/)

Leaving Grenada was a tearful disaster. Thankfully there were no hangups at the airport, because my already shattered emotional state probably would not have handled any further complications! I managed to get all of my stuff packed up into my few suitcases, though it took me most of the night to do so (after all, this blog is riddled with posts documenting my love for packing so this should come as no surprise!). Three years tucked away in just 150lbs of suitcases (perhaps a tad bit more than that) with the less significant items now taking up residence in new homes. Saying goodbye to my friends at Eco Dive, Jackie, and Christie was ridiculously emotional for me (while they just smiled and probably wondered why the heck I have to be so weird!).

Being back in the US is a major culture shock. The cars, the people, the highways, the scenery...I could go on and on! American culture is so busy and all about the hustle and bustle of each individual. There's no such thing as simple here. Every action and thought requires a mass multitude of energy to get from one thing to the next. People aren't worrying about where their next meal comes from, or whether or not their house will hold up to the harsh elements, they're worrying about having the latest technological gadget and how they can advance themselves even further up life's ladder. It's vastly different, for sure!

My month at home went by pretty quickly. Lots of prep to do for the move and lots of sleep to catch up on! Sleep seemed like such a waste of time at the end of the semester, as my hours to soak in every last island moment were greatly numbered. Packing was...well I'm sure you're smart enough by know to know how it went! You can probably even imagine all of the complaints I had, all of the hiding under the covers I did, and all of the various procrastination methods I used! It is much, much simpler to pack up a few suitcases then it is to stuff things into boxes and bags and into cars! I miss my days of fewer belongings, and I don't really think I actually have all that much here in Raleigh.

I now live in a nice little apartment complex on the edge of Raleigh. It is the perfect size for Sampson and I, and we've managed to personalize it and make our part of the space quite homey. Sampson loves living with another dog. He unfortunately gets even less of my time and presence these days, so having a buddy to wrestle with keeps us both sane! My apartment is located just over 10 minutes from school and about 2 minutes from every store you could ever dream of living next to! It makes errands so easy! I think I am most grateful for the convenient position of PetSmart, as Penny eats hay like it might be her last meal every time!

Sampson and I have enjoyed some nice walks and hikes at the local parks here in Raleigh. We even managed to get an invitation to river tubing back several weeks ago. Sampson may not have enjoyed the water part, but I know he liked getting to spend an entire day outside with me! The weather here in Raleigh is even pretty decent. The sun is not nearly as hot, which is great in some ways and terrible in others. I essentially spend my days wrapped in sweatshirts, fleece and pants, because the indoor air condition temperatures are freezing! I am going to turn into a popsicle this winter, I am just 100% certain of it! We have skylights in our hospital hallways, and because they are frosted, they always make me think of snow (which prompts major groaning) whenever I look up. They are best used to determine day vs. night, because unless it's pouring rain against the glass, you can't actually glean any information about the weather from them!

I have also managed to find a crazy group of people here that have organized themselves into a local scuba club. A few of them have been working quite hard to convert me from a Caribbean baby to a freshwater American fish. I'm not entirely certain of their success yet. They are slowly and persistently chipping away at me though! It's very strange diving in a lake without salt. I've always been incredibly wary of bodies of freshwater with regards to bacteria and parasites, so submerging myself in what I tend to imagine is a vat of pathogens is still a little gross. It's also been a vastly different experience diving with new people I've never been underwater with before in an environment I'm completely unfamiliar with. I'm also always wearing different equipment since I'm not fortunate enough to own my own set yet, which means that all of the simple things I took for granted in Grenada (like being streamlined and comfortable) are requiring a lot more attention. Good thing lakes aren't all that great for critter hunting, otherwise I'd probably end up face planted in the mud and silt with fins floating high! Ew!! Non-divers are probably wondering how different dive equipment can possibly be, and while most of the pieces have some interesting variations to them, over all it's not too terribly difficult to figure out how to be reasonably comfortable enough underwater. The only real "new" piece of the equation being added here is the type of fins I use. I am very used to full footed fins (the kind you use to go snorkeling in nice, warm, tropical water) rather than using neoprene boots with open fins that buckle around your feet. It's so bulky and clunky feeling this way!! My feet are now super floaty, and I have to use very different parts of my legs to generate forward motion (though size might actually be more of a contributor here). I keep telling myself to like this new style of fins, because let's face it - I doubt I am going to find myself diving in warm, tropical water much in the near future! It's about finding a balance, and I'm sure that with time that will come. Until then, I will continue to laugh at how much it feels like being a beginner again since my equilibrium and center are completely non-existent! It's humbling to remember just what it can feel like to be plopped into a completely new environment with a completely new set of information and skills! Old dog, new tricks sort of deal!

And lastly, I think everyone has been waiting with baited breath to learn about clinics! After all, while the ultimate goal of veterinary school is to earn the DVM degree, the goal of every DVM student is to make it out of the classroom and into the "real" world! I admittedly don't love clinics as much as I had hoped I might. I think all of the changes in my life, stress surrounding the changes, and vast number of emotions encompassing this time in my life are probably greatly contributing to my thoughts and feelings on clinics, but I had really hoped that I would love my days a little bit more than I generally do. The caveat here is that I am currently really enjoying cardiology. Not so much because it's cardiology, but more because the learning opportunities and business factors are very well integrated into a full and challenging day that doesn't go above and beyond to steal one's soul. I enjoyed my 1st rotation (exotic animal medicine) a lot, but I was very nervous and stressed out the whole rotation about not being good enough. Healthy amounts of fear do make motivated and intelligent students though! Anesthesia did a good job sucking away my soul for a couple of weeks, and although I generally enjoy anesthesia, I struggled to find an inner peaceful balance, particularly during the 2nd week. Orthopedic surgery was a much slower pace for our particular block. I seem to do better in a higher workload environment, and so this was a little bit challenging for me at times. Overall, I learned a lot about orthopedic medicine, and I hope that I have extracted the most important bits for someone that doesn't want to be a surgeon (i.e. how to do best for my patients so that I can appropriately deliver them to the clinician that can fix their orthopedic problems - recognition and understanding are such a big part of excellent patient care!).

Right now, the best thing I can do is to find a balance between getting the most from clinics and giving the best to myself. Losing Lucy broke my heart, and in doing so, a piece of my passion went missing. Loving Sampson is a whole new piece of my heart, but doesn't fill the empty void. I never wanted or expected it to. I am hopeful that one of these days the wounds won't feel as fresh, but for now, I am simply doing the best I can with the experiences I have been given.

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Time for Term 6 Final Exams...

We start our last set of final exams at SGU tomorrow morning. Yikes! The time seems to have simply slipped away from me over the last 9 months or so. Perhaps what that really means is that I've spent a lot more time on myself and my studies than I have on the internet? Lots and lots of diving done this semester, some island touring thrown in the mix, a few hashes with Sampson! I'm about to finally finish off my divemaster internship as well. Everything is beginning to really take on a note of finality these days. I'm not ready for my time here to be over (I suspect in the grand scheme of things, it's not at all over and that I will be back at some point). I'm not ready for my life to take on new and huge changes. I just finished settling into this routine after three years, now I have to move to a city?? Hmm...

Tomorrow we have our toxicology final exam, followed by food animal internal medicine, equine internal medicine, and small animal medicine. That's all that is left between me and my 4th and final year of veterinary school. Scary!! I've spent the better part of the last 9 months wondering what I actually want from my life, what I actually want to do. I'm not so sure I know the answer to that these days, although if you ask me, I will of course stick firmly by what I've been saying for years. Truthfully though, if I had the money and no student loans, I think I might be headed off in another direction...we'll see what life holds beyond graduation!

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Six Months

Somehow six whole months have slipped by since I found myself in the middle of a never ending nightmare. The void in my heart still persists, the pain of the loss of such a beloved companion is ever so deep. I miss her more than I could have believed possible. It is humbling to know just how much love a person can hold for another life.

Ever cuddly and happy, Sampson has spent his limited time with me today begging for attention, bringing me toys to play with, and plopping down on top of me to get belly rubs and chin scratches. Can you say spoiled?? He was thrilled to have a couple of his stuffed toys returned to him this evening. We borrowed them with the intention of using them in a wet lab tonight - our wet lab coordinator actually had to spend quite a bit of time suturing these toys back together because Sampson has ripped off various appendages and made many holes! Good to know I can make old toys very exciting so easily!






Thursday, March 13, 2014

Paw Prints Crossing the Rainbow Bridge

Another one of our beloved pets passed away today. Not Sampson, he's still a bouncy puppy bringing filthy and stinky toys onto my bed, but instead one our family dogs Lance.

Lance was a beautiful (stunning really) 3.5 year old collie that my family has had since he was just a bitty 10 week old puppy. What started out as a seemingly benign case of GI upset escalated to neurologic symptoms, an MRI, a devastating diagnosis, and an unsuccessful attempt to give him a little more time to enjoy a carefree life with his family and his sister.

Much to our shock and despair, Lance was diagnosed with multiple suspected choroid plexus tumors throughout his ventricular system in his brain on Tuesday. This had lead to a build up of fluid around his brain and spinal cord causing tissue compression and his clinical signs. We were faced with a tough decision: continue trying to treat with immunosuppressive doses of steroids or give it our all and try to fight back.

At three years old, Lance deserved a chance to fight. He deserved a chance to spend more time with his family. More time for his favorite treats. More time to go for walks and bark like a nut at the garbage truck. More time to play chase with our other family dog. More time to play keep-away with his toys. He was already going to be robbed of so many years of happiness, so he deserved to get at least some of that time back.

Unfortunately that's not what was in store for him. The procedure that absolutely should have made him feel better didn't help him. The disease process was more aggressive more quickly than what medicine could do for him. He got to spend one more night being loved unconditionally by the people who would do anything for him before meeting a peaceful end this morning.

My heart is broken. There is something about this week that must be curse. It's midterms time for terms 1-5 (term 6 doesn't have to endure that misery). Monday marked the 5 month anniversary of Lucy's death and today the 5th termers took their large animal surgery exam. The same exam that I took before my world fell to pieces. What the heck, universe?

Three year old dogs are not supposed to get horrible and extremely rare brain tumors. Six year old dogs aren't supposed to die suddenly less than a year after finding their forever homes. Life is simply not fair sometimes, and definitely not so to those who are so innocent and loving.

Update: We got the results of the CSF analysis submitted on Wednesday. A rare algael organism, Prototheca, was seen in the fluid. Lance did not succumb to a brain tumor but to an extremely rare cerebral form of protothecosis. I feel a little bit better knowing this. I don't think we could have made a difference for him, but we at least got a definitive answer. Unfortunately, this disease which more commonly presents as a GI disease, carriers a very poor prognosis in general. The treatment is a rather toxic drug that can do serious damage to the kidneys, and takes many months of administration. It doesn't change the end result though, and it doesn't make me wish any less that he could have had a long and full life, or at least more time with those who loved him dearly. We love you Lance, please keep Lucy good company now. I hope you get to play chase and keep away to your hearts' content!