Expectations vs. Reality

Well, there are officially 2.5 weeks of class left and 4 final exams before this semester is over with. Some how the end still seems like a long ways off. I feel like we have a lot more material to cover still, and I'm already starting to feel panicked about final exams. I'm mostly concerned about pharmacology (cumulative) and pathology (because I find the subject matter so incredibly dull). I understand clinical pathology on a fundamental level, so it will mostly be cramming the quirks and facts into my brain. The jury is still out on parasitology, but in general I tend not to have problems with that class.

6 exams total and one presentation left. Can I make it? I can't believe I'm nearly finished with term 3 of 6 here. Everything could not have turned out more differently with vet school than I had imagined. Expectations vs. Reality. Sheesh. Life is just not interested in going according to my plans!

Expectation: my friend from home and I would tackle our four years of vet school together. We would carry each other through ups and downs, and hopefully not hate each other at the end of the day. We could study together and feed off of each other's strengths. Reality: we're a semester apart due to circumstances beyond our control. We have different class schedules, different class friends, and although we certainly don't hate each other, we're not close when it comes to school and hanging out anymore.

Expectation: I would go to vet school and make lots of new and awesome friends. Maybe I would finally feel like I fit in and wasn't such an outcast for once. Reality: we might all have a common goal and passion, but I don't think I could feel more isolated. I'm still wondering where I went wrong. The fundamental problem seems to come down to the fact that I am not a party person and I am rather quiet. I don't really mean to be, but I feel like I am really boring compared to most of my classmates. A lot of them have some really amazing life experiences, like cool previous careers or working with animals in a really unique way. The straight arrow path has certainly gotten me where I wanted it to, but I am really lame and boring compared to everyone else. I think they think I am grade obsessed and snobby since I spend most of my study time in my room rather than in our classroom and I tend to do well on exams, but the truth is I should study way more than I do. I get distracted or lose focus and it is way more fun to stare at the wall and do nothing than it is to study! I envy them. I would love to be more carefree and outgoing, but I just can't seem to make that happen.

Expectation: I would not be smart enough and really struggle. I really didn't think I would do very well. I really questioned my intelligence and ability to handle the course load even after I was accepted. I was really scared. Reality: so far, when I put the time into studying and learning the material, I tend to be rewarded. Sometimes I still question my self and my abilities. I almost feel like it's all a lie and I'm just pretending. Not sure how you can pretend to be more intelligent than you are and actually have it work, but sometimes it certainly feels that way.

There was a lot I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know what the island was going to be like, I had no idea how I was going to eat for 3 years (because I kind of imagined being dropped into a country that solely native fruits and foods, and I'm pretty picky). I wondered how I'd handle living in a third world country, what it would be like to spend all day every day with the same 80 people for 3 years. I was pretty nervous about avoiding tropical diseases such as dengue, but this term it seems to be something familiar doing my immune system in! I didn't really think I'd miss my friends and family from home too much, but I didn't take into account what it would feel like to be so isolated from them. 

All in all I love it here. I wouldn't pick another school even if I had the choice to do it all over again. Things might not be as I had planned, but generally that's okay. They're working out the way they're supposed to and I can be happy enough with that.